Who's the boss? Not me

I have this huge whiteboard at home and every 7.5 months or so I’m hit with a Usain bolt of inspiration to fill it up with all kinds of crazy ass ideas on how to lose weight (fruit water! No bagel bombs!) and make/save money (stop buying stupid stuff like bagel bombs! Sing more!). I love that thing. It makes me feel all official-like because:

1. When Nate calls to ask what I’m doing, I can tell him I’m busy working in the “home office”.

2. I can pretend I’m a Harvard astrophysicist who’s about to teleconference with Stephen Hawking regarding the new solution I came up with for the space-flex-continuum-time-capacitor conundrum.

3. When Nate calls back again to ask what I’ve been doing all day, I can tell him I’m about to teleconference with Stephen Freaking Hawking and can he please stop disturbing me already.

Anyway, when I’m not busy being Russell NO in my own misinterpretation of  “A Beautiful Mind”, I use it for what it’s intended  - a place to draw pictures that make no discernible sense, but are funny in a way that only I find funny.

 

No, no, no.

I get out the markers and come up with THE PLAN. The plan of all plans that encompasses how to save money, how to make money, how to plan a wedding, how to lose weight.

Now isn't this better than cake? Oh, the lies we tell ourselves.

 

Do you know how many plans I’ve made? So, so many. Do you know what a plan without action – actually, make that - thoughtful - action is? A waste of words, marker ink, and time - a dream that will never come true unless you’re damn lucky.  Or worse – action without thought is a bad haircut going into 6^th grade that lasts the whole school year.

One summer I decided to show Alyssa Milano who the boss was once and for all. With limited resources at my disposal (scissors I found in the kitchen/Bop magazine),  as well as an overabundance of impatience and WTF-ness (my mom was still at work and I needed a haircut RIGHT THEN AND THERE), I decided to cut my hair myself. The thing is – I have curly hair – really curly hair, and these curls? They ain’t right. One does not simply cut thick, curly, coarse hair using only kitchen shears and blind confidence.  I really was blind – I couldn’t see the back of my head so I did it by feels alone. Vidal Assoon, what can I say.

I guess you showed me. Well played, Milano. Well played.

Needless to say, it didn’t work out so well and when my mom came home she was not so happy.  After multiple corrective attempts at various salons the rest of the summer, I ended up sporting a boy cut with a ducktail for bangs.  

Alyssa Milano - I think not. Try a mini Asian version of this guy from Grease. 

I had a plan – I just failed at the thinking it through part. Did I learn my lesson from that experience? Well, most of the time I think before I act, but a lot of the time I think so much that I don’t act. When will I win already?!?

Anyway, back to the whiteboard.  Since trying on this new positive attitude, which fits rather uncomfortably at times due to an ongoing battle with anxiety, I’m proud to say that I make small leaps of progress on my current goal list every day. Bunny hops. I’ve come up with this little guide:

·   Identify the things you’re good at

·   Think about what you really want

·  Develop some type of road/life map that will get you to where you want to be

·  Think it through, but don’t fall into the trap of analysis paralysis

·   Take action that makes sense

·   Be open to help from others

·   Keep your head and your heart lifted

·   Keep at it until you get there

Oh, and…

·  Take a damn seat before cutting your own hair unless you have some kind of clue. Let my hair homage to the guy from "Grease" act as a cautionary fail.

The concept is easy, but bringing dreams to fruition is definitely hard work on a level 500 scale. Unless you’ve figured out how to apply the Nintendo cheat code for eternal life to real life, you better get moving though, because this one is passing you by.  You can’t wait for things to fall into your lap, because you know what?  While you’re busy sitting your hopes and dreams on your elbows staring out the window of what-if waiting for that lucky break that’s just around the corner,  there may be a car about to run a red light when it’s your green. Or you might find a lump. Or a spot on an x-ray. Or an unmovable iceberg. There are an unlimited number of ill-fated occurrences that would make it even harder to do the things you need to do to get to where you want to be.

But hey....

STAY POSITIVE, RIGHT?

 

I really should follow my own advice. It all just seems too big to tackle at times. But I guess we should keep in mind the old saying....

How do you eat an elephant? Answer: One bite at a time

 

OMG please don’t eat an elephant though