Talk about a case of the Mondays...

In these economic times, I know I should be grateful for having a job. And I am. Really. But sometimes, the idea of spending another 20 years of my life here doing the same thing every single damn day makes me want to punch myself in the face. Repeatedly. Wake up!

There aren’t many things that I can say I’m good at. I’m a fairly decent baker, a good daughter, sister, girlfriend. I was voted staff member of the year at the big college I work for because I’m such a good employee (Googling recipes and weight loss before and after pics, notwithstanding). I type like my fingers are on fire. Go me, what a skill. But the number one thing I can do? Sing.

I love singing. I also hate it. I hate it because I don’t get to do it for a living. I know that’s a choice. If I really wanted to, I could pursue a career in music like so many other people I know. I could also starve like them. I just don’t know how to pursue it without feeling like my heart will break into a million pieces if it doesn’t work out. Because really, how often does it work out? I don’t even want to be famous. I just want to be able to make money doing something I love.

Hmm, but I also want a house. How likely is it that a bank will approve your loan application if you list “street performer” as your occupation? “Tips only” as your primary source of income?

There's a quote that I really like:

If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you. - from the Gospel of Thomas (or Peter Straub, according to another website)

I’m 35, but I'm already regretting at 50 what I didn’t do today. That's sad. When I was 20, 35 seemed like a funny, far-off place. Yet here I am in this not-so-funny, mixed-up place, with regrets I pull behind me like a long string of tin cans. I collect them as I go, and as the years pass by, the rattling behind me grows ever deafening.

Maybe I should just try. Try something. Start a little bakery, audition for a reality TV singing show, buy a food truck and specialize solely in desserts because I don't know how to cook, get some voiceover training so I can sing in commercials and receive a royalty check every time they play my stuff. If I don’t do something soon, the desire to break free will ultimately lose out to the fear, and the sadness stemming from an inability to take action - any kind of action at all -  will eventually devour me whole. At that point, punching myself in the face will have seemed like a good idea….the realization too late in coming.

And on that note, here are some Chocolate-chip Banana Muffins to get this week started!

Adapted from allrecipes.com

Ingredients

• 1 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
• 3/4 cup sugar
• 1 teaspoon baking powder
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1 egg
• 1/2 cup vegetable oil
• 1/2 cup plain yogurt (I used ¼ cup heavy whipping cream & ¼ cup skim milk because I didn’t have yogurt)
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1 cup mashed ripe bananas
• 3/4 cup semisweet chocolate chips (I went with a whole cup)

Directions

1. In a large bowl, combine the flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda and salt.

2. In another bowl, combine the egg, oil, yogurt, heavy cream, and milk. Stir into dry ingredients just until moistened. Do not over mix.

3. Fold in bananas and chocolate chips.

4. Fill greased or paper-lined muffin cups two-thirds full. Bake at 350 degrees F for 22-25 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean. (I pulled mine out at 19 minutes because I was going to be late to work. They came out perfect…moist and chocolatey. Not overdone or under – just right)

5. Cool for 5 minutes before removing from pans to wire racks (I didn’t have time to cool these suckers so I just threw them in a carrier and took them to work)

Photo by Bebe B.