Even a cookie can't save me now

Into the mixer goes the butter, cold butter. Then sugar, like sand, two colors - white and superfine, like the kind you find in an hourglass;  brown and hardpacked, like the kind that's been kissed by the ocean. Toss in a few eggs, a dash of real vanilla- never imitation - never; Off to the side, the flour has been patiently waiting its turn after a quick round of introductions with the baking soda and a pinch of salt. Ready for the magic to begin? Combine the two worlds, wet and dry, and stir in nuts that have been lightly toasted in cinnamon; add chips - semi-sweet, milk chocolate, white - whatever makes your day. Inhale. Taste. Spoon out. Bake at 375. Watch - or occupy yourself with something else for the next 8 minutes.

In 8 minutes I can change out the laundry and throw in a new load. I can walk a few laps around my complex and check my mailbox (again) for the iPad cover my BFF made by hand and said she sent over a week ago for my birthday. I can pick up a book, then get distracted by the smells from my kitchen. Or, I can do research. I can google all the different types of  lymphomas and have a schizo conversation with God blasting him for deciding it was my dad's turn to take a spin on the cancer-go-round, and thanking him because out of all the cancers to get, it's the "best" kind since it's the most treatable. In 8 minutes I can beat myself up pretty good for not going into the field of medicine. Surely I would have come up with a cure by now - I mean, it's my dad...and I'd do anything for my dad.  I'd try, I'd really, really try to fix him.

In 8 minutes, the timer will go off and even these won't save me now: 

Thanks again, Bebes for taking the picture(s)...

UPDATE: In a coversation with my dad that took less than 8 minutes, I found out that there are no significant changes to his condition (this is good). Cancer is still there, but not wreaking havoc in his system. These are slow growing tumors and the doctor is taking a "let's just monitor them for now" approach, which sounds ridiculous, but is the lesser of two evils (more chemo would do more harm at this point). His next CT scan is in a few months and we'll hop on the cancer-go-round yet again at that time. For now, I think one of these is in order: