And naked cupcakes win the gold! 2012 Olympic dreams with coach Paula Deen

I wasn’t brave enough to attempt these chocolate cupcakes without a recipe this weekend. Cupcakes have never been my strong suit. While I often imagine myself going for the gold in the 2012 Olympics on balance beam (been watching too much Make It Or Break It) and competing on such Food Network shows like Chopped and Iron Chef, Cupcake Wars has never been in my fantasy lineup. My brother will tell you that I’m crazy because I can’t even cook real food anyway, but that’s beside the point. In a universe of my mind’s own creation, me and Paula Deen are homies who spend the night at each other’s houses trading butter fried butter recipes over three different types of freshly made sweet tea. Yes, I know this is weird.  And yes, my brother is right about me not being able to cook real food.

A few years ago I went to Savannah, GA under the guise of “Civil War enthusiast”. Okay, it wasn’t a complete guise. I will admit to being somewhat interested in that particular period of American history. That sounds better than the real truth anyway, which is that I wanted to eat my way across the South. I just HAD to try Paula’s restaurant, The Lady and Sons. I got a little too excited and teared up in the buffet line, but that’s what happens when heaven is no more than a heartbeat away staring you in the face. To be perfectly honest, the fried chicken looked better than it actually tasted, but I've still got nothing but love for Paula. Anthony Bourdain needs to stop with the hate.  And yes, I am a real Civil War geek with a burgeoning stash of Confederate money and a minie ball.

Back to cupcakes.  They scare me. A few weeks ago I hosted a baby shower for one of my best friends. I put together a dessert buffet that included strawberry rice krispy treats, chocolate chip cookies, chocolate and vanilla cupcakes, and other assorted sweets.  Everything turned out so pretty – pink and cream parasols, floating candles as centerpieces (never mind that the sun was still up), picture frames housing cute little baby poems I created myself – it all looked so nice - even the cupcakes with their pink and white frosting. See?

Well, the cupcakes sucked. I overbaked them by about 3 minutes. When your taste tester (my dad) utters, “Wow, what happened here?” that can only mean one thing. Bad. After assuring me that they weren’t THAT dry, I decided against lobbing them at the president of the HOA’s head and put them out for the party instead. I didn’t hear any complaints and even got a few compliments on them, but the guests may have just been mesmerized by these wonderful and inexpensive paper lanterns:

This recipe is much better than the one I used for the baby shower. It's super easy and makes for an almost preternaturally moist cupcake. I still think it could be more chocolatey, so next time I’m going to add coffee to the boiling water, which is supposed to enhance the flavor of the cocoa powder. Other than that and a lack of frosting, they were a success!

I need to step up my game on these because in a few weeks I’d like to participate in the Santa Ana Community Youth Block Party event. My friend Betty Lam is part of a wonderful organization that's helping to make a difference in the lives of these kids.  Please check it out!  http://www.bccoforangecounty.org/Events.html

1000 people are expected to be coming through. 1000! That’s a damn lot of people and cupcakes.  Other than mistakes, I’ve never made 1000 of anything, but I’m going to try. This is my own personal Cupcake Wars - my Olympic gold balance beam routine - and it’s about to get a little crazy up in here. 

Speaking of crazy,  Nate was messing around with my iPad and wanted to draw a picture of me to add to my profile. This is not me. This is a brokedown picture of Abraham Lincoln that started off as me and went in a totally different direction because Nate is a Civil War geek too.

Recipe for moist chocolate cupcakes (that have yet to be frosted)
 Adapted from: http://thefarmchicks.typepad.com/farmchicks/2009/01/moist-chocolate-cupcakes-with-vanilla-buttercream.html

1 cup sugar
1 cup brown sugar
1 3/4 cup flour
3/4 cup cocoa powder
1 1/2 tsp baking soda
1 1/2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
2 eggs
1 cup milk
1/2 cup vegetable oil
2 tsp vanilla
1 cup boiling water

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  Fill muffin pans with 24 cupcake liners.  Sift dry ingredients into a mixing bowl.    Add eggs, milk, oil and vanilla.  Beat with a mixer for approximately two minutes, occasionally scraping the sides of the bowl with a rubber spatula (or whatever you have on hand - I used a rice scooper).  Add the boiling water (next time I'm adding coffee), and beat, just until blended.  The batter is pretty watery, but that's how it's supposed to be.  Evenly ladle (or pour) the batter into the liners.  Bake for 20-25 minutes (25 minutes? No way, man! I took mine out at 19 and they were just fine), until the center of the cupcakes springs back when lightly touched.  Cool before frosting. (I'll do that part later).

Making it, not breaking it - oatmeal raisin chocolate chip success

I’m tired. In my advanced age, pulling an all-nighter is just not a good idea anymore. I couldn’t help it. I was too excited about having  a 4 day weekend  and didn’t want to waste any time in getting the party started. I had everything I needed to ensure a most excellent evening:  a Nate who wasn’t worried about work,  some cherries,  an orange soda, the last few remnants of the monster  granola bar,  and Netflix.

We started off with the heavy,  Academy Award  quality film "The Reef", starring 4 people and a shark.  If you are not afraid of sharks, watch this movie.  You will be afraid of this one. He is the ultimate hater shark, the shark that will not give up. He hates people - these 4 in particular  - why? I don’t know. Maybe it was their accent.

I’m not one for sharks, by the way. When I was a kid, I wanted to pet one. This is not my dream anymore. You cannot engage in dialogue or playful splendor with a shark. And I don’t believe that sharks do not like human flesh, that they take one bite out of you and decide that you don’t taste good enough to finish. Who made that up?  Who knows with 100% certainty what a shark's gastronomical preferences are?  This is baloney to me.

Nate left halfway through the next BAFTA caliber film, “The Resident”, starring Hilary Swank and Denny from “Grey’s Anatomy”.  Two words: nail gun. This is a weapon of mass destruction,  but only when aimed at someone’s head.

At the conclusion of this work of art,  I settled in for something a little less brainy, something I could just lose myself in. Ah yes, the world of competitive gymnastics – “Make It Or Break It”, which is ridiculous.  Ridiculously good, that is. The intrigue, the drama, the mean girls, the abstinence theme DJ Tanner keeps ramming down our throats (Candace Cameron will always be DJ Tanner to me)…entertainment at its finest. Who needed sleep when I was only 10 episodes away from finishing season 2?

Alas, sleep came. 

Interestingly enough,  this brain fog did not affect my baking this morning. What I turned out look like actual cookies – oatmeal raisin chocolate chip cookies.  I have no idea what I did, but I’m totally ok with these. And now...back to "Make It Or Break It"!

The oatmeal raisin chocolate chip cookie that never was...or, the monster granola bar that could feed a very small village

This is what happens when one erroneously considers themselves to be a baking savant, a sort of cookie Rainman, if you will. Spitting in the face of early onset Alzheimer’s (see previous post), I set out to make oatmeal raisin chocolate chip cookies without a recipe.

People – baking is a science. There’s not a lot of room for mistakes in terms of how many cups of flour and eggs a recipe calls for, or a teaspoon versus a tablespoon of baking soda or baking powder. That kind of stuff matters. A lot. In all honesty, they're not too bad. They’re just a little flat and stuck together. So let’s just say these aren’t cookies. Let’s call it a big oatmeal raisin chocolate chip granola bar! A monster granola bar that can feed approximately 15 people.

This crazy exercise reminded me of the time I developed an unhealthy obsession with baking cheesecake. The summer before my grandma had her stroke - I think I was about 8 at the time – she became my partner in cheesecake crime. And man, did we commit a lot of crimes against the baking world. We didn’t have a cookbook – geez, we didn’t even have the right tools like a mixer or measuring spoons. What we did have was the recipe off the back of a cream cheese package and some blind ass faith. To be fair, desserts weren’t a common thing in my Asian household. Fruits were/are our dessert, because nothing motivates one more to finish their food than a nice big banana and some orange slices.

But this was America and I wanted cheesecake. Grandma and I turned out disaster after disaster. Graham cracker crumbs as a crust? Never grounded fine enough. Cream cheese? Never beaten until smooth. I don’t know how exactly, but one version came out gelatinous. And what the hell was a springform pan? I didn’t even know what that was until college. These things did not jive with my 8-year old brain and my grandma’s old world cooking sense.

One weekend we got it right. It was a little thin (we used a 9x13 pan) and tinted a strange violet color (canned blueberries), but it was the right consistency and tasted like real cheesecake! Victory was ours. It's one of my most favorite memories ever. We didn’t have another baking summer like that again after she got sick.

As an adult in today's modern society that includes such things as the Internet and an iPad to take into the kitchen with me - and as someone in possession of the right baking equipment, I realize I don’t have to subject myself to this kind of experimentation anymore. I can do other things to keep my brain healthy and active…like play more chess or learn to read and write Chinese. But this was fun, and it reminded me not only of grandma, but of a time in my life when I didn’t give up until I got the results I wanted. Where did that me go? Time to find her.

So let’s see where this takes me…more blind ass faith baking to come!

A challenge for my weary brain

I was at the gas station the other day and the strangest thing happened. I forgot my PIN #. At first, I was furious at myself for not playing more chess or learning to read and write Chinese because I read somewhere that that’s supposed to help fight Alzheimer’s. I hightailed it out of the gas station Thelma without Louise (or gas) style, thinking that the flashing “see attendant now” notice meant I was in for some trouble – like the “you are so busted because they think you are trying to use a card that does not belong to you” kind of trouble.

I cruised into in a Target parking lot and gave myself a little pep talk, trying to convince myself that the PIN # would magically come to me if I just bought something from a place where I practically lived.  So - I slowly walked up to the register armed only with the cold sweat running down my back, God’s love, and some scotch tape (why…why tape when I needed paper towels?).  After exchanging a few pleasantries with the nice Target girl, I slid my card through, and let my fingers do the walking. What can I say? It worked. I didn’t even look at the keypad. That’s some 10-key skills right there. My brain knows Target. My heart loves Target.

Weird, right? No - not so weird! Do you know how many passwords I have stored in my brain? Multiple passwords for work, email, your mama’s email (ok, no), several different bank accounts (don’t ask). Seriously. There is a lot of mental diarrhea going on up there and it’s no wonder I was left temporarily stupid at the gas station.

Now that it’s been ascertained I am not suffering from Alzheimer’s, I have decided to put my brain through some rigorous exercise. However, rather than play chess (makes me sleepy) or learn Chinese (too hard), I’m just going to focus on developing my baking skills some more. Tomorrow I will attempt to bake blindly - NO, not with a blindfold -  I’m talking without a recipe, relying solely on my somewhat faulty memory, crazy intuition, and insight from Nate’s old “Where There’s a Will There’s an A” study videos.

If all goes well, I have a story to tie in about the summer my grandma and I baked a number of cheesecakes that never seemed to turn out right – the summer before she got sick and we never had a chance to bake together again. If things don’t work out…I guess that story still fits. 

And if it doesn’t go well, I’ll just try again until I get it right......or until I surrender due to the high price of ingredients being no joke. 

Oh mascarpone, how I love you

At first glance, the cinnamon rolls I pulled out of the oven this morning seemed like a really cruel joke, kinda like a size L in a Forever 21 store. They didn’t look like they were supposed to – the whole thing looked more like a cinnamon roll cake, or monkey bread gone wrong. I cursed myself for not getting up before the rising of the sun to use a traditional yeast recipe.

I didn't, really. I mean, come on - Alton Brown has an "overnight" recipe that takes almost 12 hours to complete. No, no, no. I specifically wanted no-fuss/no-yeast cinnamon rolls because what normal person has that kind of time on their hands?

In the end, it all turned out quite nicely, and I found myself giving a round of applause to the star player,  frosting.  Hooray for mascarpone frosting!  I think I made the wrong type (more like whipped topping), but when slathered over the hot rolls, it melted into a beautiful glaze that transformed the whole look and feel of the dish (messy, moist, and gooey - just as cinnamon rolls should be). This was a lot of work and I'm not really sure I'd attempt them again anytime soon. They were a hit at the office though, and that always makes me happy.

 

Cinnamon rolls with mascarpone frosting:
Adapted from gastronomyblog.com: https://sites.google.com/site/gastronomyrecipes/cinnamon-rolls-with-cream-cheese-icing

 Filling

• 3/4 cup packed dark brown sugar
• 1/4 cup granulated sugar
• 2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
• 1/8 teaspoon ground cloves (since cloves have never been on my list of “must have’s” I used pumpkin pie spice, which is a combination of ginger, cinnamon, nutmeg, & allspice)
• 1/8 teaspoon salt
• 1 tablespoon unsalted butter, melted


Dough

• 2 1/2 cups unbleached all-purpose flour, plus more for dusting the work surface
• 2 tablespoons sugar
• 1 1/4 teaspoons baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1 1/4 cups buttermilk (I used 1 cup skim milk and ¼ cup of heavy whipping cream since I didn't have buttermilk and didn't have time to make my own)
• 6 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted

Directions
1. Adjust an oven rack to the middle position and heat the oven to 425°F. Grease both a 9-inch nonstick round cake pan and a wire cooling rack. If you have nonstick cooking spray, use that.

2. The melted butter is used in both the filling and the dough. Melt the total amount (7 tablespoons) all at once in a heatproof measuring cup, and use as the recipe calls for it.

3. For the filling, combine the brown sugar, granulated sugar, cinnamon, pumpkin pie spice (or cloves), salt, and 1 tablespoon melted butter together in a medium bowl until the mixture resembles wet sand.

4. For the dough, whisk the flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, and salt together in a large bowl. In a separate bowl, whisk the milk, cream, and 2 tablespoons of melted butter together. Stir the milk/cream mixture into the flour mixture with a spoon until absorbed (about 30 seconds).

5. Turn the dough out onto a lightly floured work surface and knead until smooth, about 1 minute. I had to use quite a bit of flour because the dough was really sticky (I must have gone wrong somewhere)

6. Pat the dough with your hands into a 12 by 9-inch rectangle. Brush the dough with 2 tablespoons melted butter. Sprinkle the dough evenly with the brown sugar filling, leaving a 1/2-inch border. Press the filling firmly into the dough. I got a little wild at this point and threw in a handful of toasted pecans. I just spread them throughout the filling.

7. Use a scraper or metal spatula to loosen the dough from the work surface. Starting at a long side, roll the dough, pressing lightly, to form a tight log. Pinch the seam to seal. Roll the log seam-side down and cut it evenly into however many pieces you want – I came up with 8. Turn the pieces over on their flat sides, and with your hand, slightly flatten each piece of dough to seal the open edges and keep the filling in place.

8. Place 1 roll in the center of the prepared pan and then place the remaining rolls around the perimeter of the pan. Brush the rolls with the remaining 2 tablespoons butter (I forgot this damn step).

9. Bake until the edges are golden brown, 20 to 25 minutes (20 minutes worked for me).

10. Use an offset metal spatula to loosen the buns from the pan. Wearing oven mitts, place a large plate over the pan and invert the buns onto the plate. Place the greased cooling rack over the plate and invert the buns onto the rack. This is risky business, be careful.

11. Cool a few minutes before frosting.

 

Frosting:

From: http://www.marthastewart.com/313528/mascarpone-frosting

• 1 cup heavy cream

• 8 ounces mascarpone cheese, room temperature

• 1/2 cup confectioners' sugar, sifted

Directions

1. With an electric mixer on medium speed, whisk heavy cream until stiff peaks form (be careful not to overbeat, or cream will be grainy).

2. In another bowl, whisk together mascarpone and confectioners' sugar until smooth.

3. Gently fold whipped cream into mascarpone mixture until completely incorporated.

4. Frost your rolls!

 

 

My heart, how it sings

Sigh. The ultimate tower of chocolate cake I visualized all yesterday afternoon turned into the ultimate tower of equal parts FAIL and SUCK when it came to execution. I’ve been wracking my brain trying to figure out where I went wrong. Greased pans, check. Floured? Damn, how could I forget that? Was that the misstep? Maybe. Or, more likely, in my haste to get the party started, I just didn’t let the layers cool long enough before taking them out of the pan. In a fit of rage, I crumbled most of the mess into tiny little pieces.


This was going to be a celebration cake for my dad, a “thank freakin’ God cake”, really. The good news we got yesterday regarding his cancer status made my heart grow 100 times bigger in my chest. But, because I am a firm (and oft times, misguided) believer in signs – granted, my own made-up ones (a hummingbird came out of nowhere and grazed my head – obviously that means I’m going to be a millionaire!), it’s got me worried again. What does it REALLY mean when your cake falls apart like that? When you think you've done everything right and it still doesn't turn out the way you'd hoped? I've baked this cake a million times and have never had any problems before. But now, rubble is everywhere - the floor, the table….my hair. Destruction. Creation. Life. Death. Transformation.

From the 3 nine-inch cake rounds, I salvaged enough of the solid pieces to create a small chocolate heart filled with vanilla butter cream. It certainly isn’t very pretty, but it’s intact and it’s moist, just like a cake should be. And even though I didn’t get to build my ultimate tower of chocolate, I still consider it a celebration cake. I’m still so thankful for everything…everything....for a heart that’s been left whole, unbroken.

(The rest of the crumbs are in my fridge. I know this sets the stage for cake pops, but I hate cake pops, so I’m going to stretch the boundaries of my creativity to come up with something else. Was the invention of cake pops similar to the origins of the chocolate chip cookie? An accident? How could it not be? Why on earth would someone ruin a cake like that? Genius, though. Seriously – I see those things everywhere).

Photo by my talented friend, Bebe B.

Even a cookie can't save me now

Into the mixer goes the butter, cold butter. Then sugar, like sand, two colors - white and superfine, like the kind you find in an hourglass;  brown and hardpacked, like the kind that's been kissed by the ocean. Toss in a few eggs, a dash of real vanilla- never imitation - never; Off to the side, the flour has been patiently waiting its turn after a quick round of introductions with the baking soda and a pinch of salt. Ready for the magic to begin? Combine the two worlds, wet and dry, and stir in nuts that have been lightly toasted in cinnamon; add chips - semi-sweet, milk chocolate, white - whatever makes your day. Inhale. Taste. Spoon out. Bake at 375. Watch - or occupy yourself with something else for the next 8 minutes.

In 8 minutes I can change out the laundry and throw in a new load. I can walk a few laps around my complex and check my mailbox (again) for the iPad cover my BFF made by hand and said she sent over a week ago for my birthday. I can pick up a book, then get distracted by the smells from my kitchen. Or, I can do research. I can google all the different types of  lymphomas and have a schizo conversation with God blasting him for deciding it was my dad's turn to take a spin on the cancer-go-round, and thanking him because out of all the cancers to get, it's the "best" kind since it's the most treatable. In 8 minutes I can beat myself up pretty good for not going into the field of medicine. Surely I would have come up with a cure by now - I mean, it's my dad...and I'd do anything for my dad.  I'd try, I'd really, really try to fix him.

In 8 minutes, the timer will go off and even these won't save me now: 

Thanks again, Bebes for taking the picture(s)...

UPDATE: In a coversation with my dad that took less than 8 minutes, I found out that there are no significant changes to his condition (this is good). Cancer is still there, but not wreaking havoc in his system. These are slow growing tumors and the doctor is taking a "let's just monitor them for now" approach, which sounds ridiculous, but is the lesser of two evils (more chemo would do more harm at this point). His next CT scan is in a few months and we'll hop on the cancer-go-round yet again at that time. For now, I think one of these is in order:

Mini-cheesecakes caught on camera...

Cameras are being installed in our office! For security purposes, supposedly, but I know what they're trying to do. They're trying to monitor how much work isn't getting done because I'm too busy looking up dessert recipes and weight loss before and after pictures. Well! Had I not delved into the world of mini-cheesecakes (not the kind where you stick a Nilla wafer on the bottom of a cupcake liner), I never would have been able to create these:

This was my second attempt at this madness (the first batch came out lumpy and was quickly introduced to la basura). The graham cracker crust was a bit too crumbly for my liking this time around, but the consistency was lump free (room temperature cream cheese, people...room temperature cream cheese).

MINI VANILLA CHEESECAKES

Adapted from cakeonthebrain.blogspot.com who adapted it from the Williams Sonoma recipe on the back of the bakeware box (I used a Chicago metallic mini-cheesecake pan, but didn't like the recipe on the box)

For the Crusts: 1 cup (114 g) chocolate cookie or vanilla wafer crumbs (I blended up some graham crackers)
2 T sugar
pinch of salt
2 T unsalted butter, melted

For the Filling: 16 oz (500 g) cream cheese
2 eggs
1/4 cup (60 ml) heavy cream
1/2 cup (125g) sugar (I added 1 tsp of pure vanilla)

pinch of salt

For decoration: I used strawberries with dark chocolate shavings and blueberries with white chocolate shavings

1. Have all the ingredients at room temperature. Preheat oven to 350degreesF. Lightly grease the cups of the 12-cup cheesecake pan.

2. To make the crusts, stir together the cookie crumbs, sugar and salt in a small bowl. Add the melted butter and stir until combined. Divide the mixture evenly among the cups and using your fingertips, press it evenly into the bottom (it's probably a good idea to measure out the crumbs so you get consistent looking mini-cheesecakes, to be perfectly honest with you. If you don't measure, you will end up with wonky looking cheesecake botoms like mine)

3. Bake until the crusts are set, about 10 minutes. Transfer the pan to a wire rack and let cool completely. Reduce the heat to 300degreesF.

4. To make the filling, in the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the flat beater, beat the cream cheese on low speed until smooth, 2 to 3 minutes. Increase the speed to medium-low and add the eggs one at a time, beating well after each addition. Add the cream and beat until incorporated, about 1 minute. Add the sugar and salt and beat until incorporated, about 2 minutes, stopping the mixer occasionally to scrape down the sides of the bowl.

5. Pour the batter into the crusts, dividing it evenly among the cups (the batter should be looking pretty smooth operator at this point). Bake until the cheesecakes are set, about 18 minutes (the recipe says 20 minutes, but the first time I did that they came out overdone. Every oven is different though, so just watch for it. A little jiggly-ishy on top doesn't necessarily mean it's undercooked. These things will still continue to cook for a little bit even after you pull them out of the oven).

6. Transfer the pan to a wire rack and let cool completely. Refrigerate for at least 2 hours beore unmolding (I overnighted these babies).

7. To unmold, gently push up to remove the cheesecake from the cup (carefully, carefully). Use a small spatula or butter knife to remove the cake from the metal bottom. If the cheesecakes are sticking to the pan, gently run a toothpick around each cheesecake to loosen it before pushing it out of the cup. Makes 12 mini cheesecakes.

Special thanks to my good friend Bebe B. for the photo shoot at the office today. We make HR fun.