While watching the U.S. Olympic gymnastics trials this
weekend, I realized a couple of things:
1. My chances of making the U.S. Olympics gymnastics team at some point in the future have essentially dropped to ZERO, no matter what my brain
tries to tell me.
2. Obviously, it’s time to give up the dream of
making the U.S. Olympics gymnastics team, no matter what my brain tries to tell
me.
Hey, you already know my mind is my biggest enemy these
days. It tells me ridiculous things (you CAN make the US Olympics gymnastics team) and scary things (you will never bring your baby home) every single day. Considering
the options, I’d rather delude myself into thinking I still have a chance at
winning the gold than the other terrible thought.
Why is that? Why is it so damn hard to believe that
everything will turn out ok? Every doctor’s appointment has been great – baby girl
is doing fantastic, my cervix is the Simone Biles of cervixes, my blood
pressure is stable, and yet I still gravitate towards the dark side of Google –
the mommy boards, specifically the category of “Complications”. It's frustrating as hell. Why can’t I permanently change the narrative in my head? My doctor thinks I
am suffering from PTSD and need to start seeing a therapist. I’m sure she’s on
to something.
Anyway, we are at 26 weeks now, and in between gymnastics
and praying for a solid bowel movement and any movement at all, I spend a lot
of the day watching Lifetime movies. I know it’s not exactly Emmy Award winning material, but at least that shit’s predictable. I like stories
that have a nice and tight ending, where the good guy wins in some type of
heroic fashion all within the span of two hours.
Seriously – if you’ve ever watched an LMN movie, you know
it’s the same thing almost every single time – crazy person unleashes hell on
some poor, unsuspecting fool because he/she’s either:
A) in love with that
person’s husband/wife
B) wants to steal that person’s child
C) is a
stalker.
The formula remains the same, just with different actors rotating
through. So why do I watch? Because in a world full of tragedy and uncertainty,
I find the predictability of a Lifetime movie’s happy ending comforting. The
good always wins, and there is always a clear distinction between the good and
the bad. I wish it were that easy in real life. I wish we could all have our
happy endings.
So, in addition to watching gymnastics and LMN, I continue to
keep busy by writing songs and watching a lot of Sex and the City, which I didn't really follow while it was on. But thanks to Amazon
Prime, I can watch the whole series every day! In order! It all makes sense now!
As silly as it all is with the incredible amount of sex and
luxurious lifestyles they have (sweet Jesus!), it is definitely a welcome escape from the
mommy boards. Although...I realized I should probably pick up another distraction when
at my fasting glucose test last week I made an awkward attempt at a joke with the phlebotomist:
Tech: Ok, you’re going to have 3 blood draws within 2 hours.
Me: Wow – 3 pricks in one day? That’s a personal best if I
do say so myself.
Tech: ……….
(Talk about life not imitating (f)art. And by "another distraction", I don't mean watching the college soccer dude outside my window handle his balls every day. He has...like 50...of them that he chases around in his non-traditional sporting gear. First it was really tight leggings. Now, as summer has progressed, he's graduated to what can only be described as underwear. For real. I even showed Nate one day. I tried to take a picture, but he caught me standing at the window like a creeper just as I was about to immortalize him in my blog)
26 weeks! Two more and we meet our next milestone of 28. That’s
HUGE. It's been a dream for so long to get to that gestation. We’re almost
there. I'm happy and relieved and so thankful to have made it this far already. I'm constantly on pins and needles, but constantly trying to take the crazy down a notch. It's a struggle.
Almost there, baby girl – keep on keepin’ on and I will too.
 |
| 26 weeks, and I need a therapist |
4 comments:
You look so Happy in that last image! So Pretty! You looked like a woman that should be doing a little online shopping for baby clothes and all that other stuff they tend to need.
You're going all the way.
You know I despise LMN for the very same reason that you love it. Sylvia is a Hallmark Girl. They use the same actors over & over. I really can't stand EITHER of those networks...but Honey G., whatever keeps you off of Google is a Godsend for sure.
Please have these blogs published. I really need a new roof and general carpentry work done around here so it will be guest ready for your next trip to the South.
with Sesame in tow. I mean, because of course, THIS is going to be a BEST SELLER for years.
So many women can relate to your story. Please share it before someone steals your writings and does it before you.
Love all y'all over there... Nate too! Happy for you..Please take care,
Lyn
Another week in the books :) Amen! And, if you are looking for predictability...try out Scooby Doo Mystery Incorporated on Netflix. Jake has discovered Scooby-doobee-doo and the show isn't half bad. There is even a story line :) I also recommend Graceland. The acting in the first few episodes was rough, but they managed through. Unfortunately, it didn't get picked up for Season 4, so there are only 3 seasons, but that is a-ok. :) Enjoy your week and I can't wait for next week's update!
Love you too!! I've started peeking at baby stuff, but then get too scared I'm dangling a carrot in front of fate's face, so I stop. Hard to get out of that rabbit hole, but Nate is doing a good job of keeping me sane. This week has been tough for some reason - so anxious to get to our safe point I guess. Been writing a lot though - not real coherent, but I'll sort it out lol. Love you <3
Ohh, will definitely check it out!!! Scooby was my favorite as a kid 😀 Glad to hear Jake likes it! I'll look at Graceland too. I get excited about shows with a ton of seasons, then get overwhelmed with trying to watch them all, so 3 seasons is perfect lol. Yep, another week down woohoo!!!!
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