32 weeks: We've come a long way....but there are still miles to go before we sleep

I’m sitting here looking out at what I think is my living room. Covered in mountains of tissue paper and Amazon boxes, bags and bags of baby clothes, blankets, diapers and baby gear, an explosion of pink from wall to wall...I am both overwhelmed with gratitude and…well…just overwhelmed. Nate and I have been incredibly blessed to have such wonderful family and friends who have showered us with not only love and prayers, but with gifts from the heart to let us know they’re with us on this journey and can’t wait to meet our Little One. We are so very, very grateful that she has everything she needs for at least the next 5 years.

We are in the final stretch now. 32 weeks, can you believe it? I can’t. Looking back, I can honestly say it’s gone by really fast (and I can’t believe I just typed that). It’s true, though. Even when the days felt hopelessly interminable, the weeks really did fly by…not without the help of A LOT of good TV this summer, thank you very much. When I first announced my pregnancy, I was around 19 weeks. Wow! That seems like a lifetime ago…even though the finish line still feels terribly out of reach.

I still try to take things with a “one day at a time” attitude. I’m only about 4 weeks away now from my scheduled C-section, but the road suddenly seems longer than ever. Why is that? Once we crossed 28 weeks (biggest milestone), I was able to breathe a bit easier, but anxiety never really did leave the building. It still occupies a substantial amount of square footage in my tired brain. I have my irritable uterus and blood pressure that can’t make up its mind whether or not it wants to get high or stay low to thank for that. You’d think I’d relax even more now being at 32 weeks, but EVERYTHING is cause for alarm: Why is she kicking so much? Is that good? Why isn’t she kicking as much as yesterday? Is that bad? Is she ok in there? How and where can I purchase my own ultrasound machine? Craigslist? I don’t want to get killed. Will I ever be able to control my bladder again? It’s all so maddening.

Time, for me, is now measured in 4 hour blocks. Every 4 hours I take a pill to calm my uterus down. Unfortunately, in combination with my other medications, it lowers my blood pressure too much, so that’s another thing we have to monitor. Too high a blood pressure is bad, but so is being too low. Why can’t I just be normal? I recently saw a girl who looked to be about 15-years old sporting a huge ass pregnant belly while wearing coochie cutter shorts - just out and about looking as healthy as a small horse with her 20-year old gang banger boyfriend. See? Normal. Sigh.

Anyway, back to the 4 hour blocks. In 4 hours, I can manage to watch several episodes of Call the Midwife (of ALL shows, why did I pick this one to get hooked on for the last mile of this journey?!). In 4 hours I can watch 2 bad movies on Netflix. I can start unwrapping the rest of the presents. I can begin organizing the nursery. There are a number of projects I can complete in 4 hours, but my mind seems better accustomed to doing research and always preparing for the worst. Crazy, I tell you.

It will definitely help that we start fetal testing as of tomorrow. I’ll be going to the hospital twice a week for non-stress tests, while seeing my regular OB and MFM for check-ups on Wednesdays, as well. Every time I hear her sweet heartbeat on the monitor, I am able to rest a bit easier, which is incredibly hard these days because I can’t get comfortable at night anymore. Countless trips to the bathroom, waking up every 4 hours for medication, and crippling left hip pain have made sleep damn near impossible. But you know what? It will all be worth it in the end when I take this girl home. I won’t care about all the sleepless nights of feeding and taking care of her. I look forward to it SO MUCH. I just want that chance so bad. 

Like Wilson Phillips said, Hold On....for like 33 more days. 

Over the weekend, my blood pressure spiked, then took a tumble within a short amount of time. We went to Ikea to bring it up a bit. Even in a non-pregnant state, Ikea makes me want to punch people in the throat and kick them in the face, so it worked (probably a little too well as my BP then jumped to 170/105 a little while later). I requested a wheelchair and the girl at the front asked if I needed a larger one to accommodate my size. Say what? I've only gained 4 lbs! Actually, that didn’t bother me that much, but Nate bumping me into every damn piece of furniture on the floor sure did. I like to think that Baby Girl was laughing at us on this awkward family outing (I know Ligaya was) – and I'm pretty sure that she thoroughly enjoyed this chocolate cake, which made the whole trip worth it.

I LOVE YOU

 32 weeks! As of this morning’s appointment, Baby Girl is weighing 4lbs 9oz. According to all the doctors, she’s doing great, thank God. Now we just have to figure my shit out and we'll be golden.