The other night, before entering a popular pizza
establishment, I asked Nate if my pink maternity belly band was visible over my
fat yoga pants and his response was, “You’re concerned about your fashion
choice today?” Ok, Mr. Skinny Jeans, just stop. Anyway, this band – you’re
supposed to wear it under your clothes, but I like to buck tradition (plus, it’s
super uncomfortable against my skin). Well, joke’s on me because that damn
thing decided to buck me. Really buck me.
After polishing off my own personal pizza and getting ready
to exit, I felt, then heard, the velcro in the belt start to give way. Slowly,
at first, like the build-up of a tsunami.
Uh-oh.
With my left hand holding one edge of the band and my right
fighting to keep my fat pants up, I thought I could make my escape without
anyone noticing. However, all attempts at keeping myself together within the
confines of the band proved futile because that sonofabitch suddenly let
everything go in one thunderous rip. It was as if it couldn’t escape from me
fast enough. With a mind of its own, it exploded off my body at the foot of a
Victoria’s Secret model pushing a $1200 stroller I’d eyed online one day while
imagining I was a rich housewife of Orange County. My only consolation was
knowing that I’ve gained just 4 lbs during this pregnancy, so really, how
different could me and this woman possibly be? Ok, so maybe I had 50 lbs to
lose prior to pregnancy. 60. Anyway, I picked up my belt and the zero shits I
had left and walked out of there.What an excellent start to a birthday weekend!
Ah, another
birthday.
The day I turned 30, my coworkers decorated my desk with an
array of geriatric gag gifts that sent me into a slow mental wall slide of
grief. 30? How the hell did that happen? I had just graduated high school like…the
day before. At the time, all I wished for was that the time machine I had painstakingly
constructed in my mind would hightail my ass back to 1990. OMG such good music
then.
And now I’m 40. How the hell did this happen? I seriously
just graduated high school like…yesterday. Where did the last decade go? Now,
all I want, is for this day to be just another successful day on our march to
36 weeks. No complications, no worries, no issues – just another day in the
books. Maybe some Olive Garden too because I signed up for their e-club and I
get a free dessert or appetizer (actually, I signed up everywhere a long time
ago to get all the free birthday perks, but I can’t collect on all of them in
one day like I’ve done in the past. Seriously, I used to make it like an
Olympic event).
Back in December for Nates 40th, we took a big
trip to Spain and Morocco. It was an adventure I will never forget. Ditching my
fear of relieving myself outside the comfort of my own home, I shat in a box in
the middle of the Moroccan desert. It was HUGE. My progress, I mean, not the
shit. We rode camels over sand dunes, shared
sandwiches and tea with complete strangers on midnight trains, and ate churros
with chocolate dripping down our faces (ok, just my face) in small, dimly lit,
romantic cafes while talking about plans for my own 40th birthday.
- A trip to Petra? Screw ISIS.
Well, we never got around to finalizing our plans because I
got pregnant and that’s all I’ve been focusing on for the past 30 weeks. Once
Baby Girl is here, our lives will be very different in terms of travel. I know
that, and I’m ok with it. I’m thankful for all years that Nate and I have
gotten to explore the world and for all of the adventures we’ve been on.
I dream of the day that we'll be able to bring Baby Girl along. Maybe not right away to Petra or
Everest, but someday. In the meantime, while she’s little – I look forward to
taking her to the library where I hope that she, too, will learn to love books
as much as I do. I may not be able to
take her on an African Dream safari (who are they kidding with those prices,
DAMN), but I can create one in my mind and bring it to life in our living room
until I can afford a real one. We’ll imagine and create a million different worlds
within the universe until she’s old enough to discover her own.
I’ve asked for so many ridiculous things throughout the
years on my birthday: the forever body and metabolism of a 24-year old who
works out every day without me actually having to work out every day; to win a
contest that grants me unlimited access to free wings at Wing Stop for life; and
a billion dollars. But this year, I don’t want any of that stuff. I just want to bring my baby girl home safe and sound. Actually, the
other wish of my heart is to have Ligaya here with us too, but I know that’s a gift
waiting for me somewhere on the other side of this lifetime.
Please, if there truly is a God who dispenses blessings in a
world that appears to be both broken and so incredibly beautiful all at the
same time, I ask just one thing for my big 4-0. Give me my girl. Please. There
is nothing else I want more.
 |
| 30 weeks! We're almost there, Little Foot...can't wait to meet you. |
No comments:
Post a Comment